The Bridge

Recently, my wife and I discovered another library to which we have access within 15 minutes of our home. One of the greatest advantages of libraries is the opportunity to check out movies for free, especially if the library has a decent collection. The local library that we had been frequenting has a fairly mundane collection, nothing out of the ordinary, nothing very current either. At the suggestion of a co-worker, we sought out this other library and found that they even loan out blu-rays.

Among the movies that I will most check out from libraries are documentaries. For whatever reason, I have a harder time renting them, but when they are free, I will usually eat them up. At my most recent trip to the library, this was no exception. Something caught my eye as I browsed the titles as I fell upon the movie "The Bridge." As I read the synopsis of the movie, I was very intrigued. In 2004, A producer and his film crew spent a year filming the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco. They captured footage of a number of suicides and even a few near misses. The movie intrigued me enough to cause me to check it out.

Just as in other films that are not necessarily about real life, the soundtrack is fairly important in documentaries. Music has a way of emotionally connecting people and the score for "The Bridge" subtly drew me in. It wasn't like I was humming the tunes afterwards, but the soundtrack set the mood and tone for a film that had the potential of coming across as excessively voyeuristic.

The film tracked the stories of a number of people, mostly through friends and family. They interviewed those closest to these people to hear about their stories, to get a better understanding of what might have been going on in their lives at the time when they decided that life was no longer worth living. All of them who were highlighted were unmarried. Some had some kind of mental illness. Many had experienced excessive loneliness.

Among the stories, there were three that stood out to me. One was the story of a nameless woman. As she was getting ready to throw herself off of the bridge, a fireman from Pittsburgh who had come to San Francisco and who was taking pictures, noticed her. As he described the scene, he compared it to a photographer from National Geographic as a ferocious animal approaches, the photographer is captured in the moment, almost frozen and unable to move, yet they know that for the sake of their own life, they are going to need to go to safety. He said that he needed to remind him of the gravity of the situation that he was observing, reached over the railing, and grabbed the young woman by the backpack. The police eventually came and took her away, but as he was making his way back to his car, he saw her being put in the back of a bridge patrol cruiser. They made eye contact and he said that it freaked him out. He wondered what she might have been thinking about him, the man who had prevented her from following through.

Another story was of a young man who had battled with bi-polar disorder. After assuring his father that he would not commit suicide, he made his way to the bridge. As he contemplated what he was about to do, tears streaming down his face, a woman asked him to photograph her. In his mind he thought, "I'm about to kill myself, really?" When he finally moved himself over the railing, to the ledge, and jumped, he describes his thoughts as he fell. He realized what he was doing and managed to right himself enough so that when he landed, he landed on his feet. Somehow, he survived the fall. The young man says that he only survived by the grace of God and his life has been changed. He works to prevent others who are struggling with suicide from following through with it.

The final story that stuck with me was about a young man named Gene. To the biased outsider, he may have seemed like a perfect candidate, someone to watch. The testimonies of friends describe a personality that was somewhat other worldly. He never quite fit in, though he had a number of close friends. Success, or at least his definition of it, always seemed to be out of reach, just beyond his grasp. Ironically, on the morning of his suicide, he had a message at the place where he was staying from a place that was offering him a job doing what he had wanted to do. Sadly, he never took the opportunity.

The story of Gene acted as a thread throughout the whole film. I gather that it was done this way because the footage of him and his suicide were among the most graphic of the film. The cameras captured him from his ascent onto the railing, through his fall, and all the way to his impact with the water. It's a hard scene to watch. In fact, the whole movie is somewhat difficult to watch.

Like most teenagers struggling to fit in, there was probably a time in my teenage years that I had contemplated suicide, but never strongly. The thought simply passed through my mind without being entertained. At the same time, during my sophomore year, I lost a friend to suicide. The aftermath of such a brutal event is always intriguing to me, as family and friends cope and make every attempt and effort to understand exactly why this person whom they had loved decided to take their own life. "What could we have done?" always seems to be the question that hauntingly echoes through the minds of loved ones.

As I watched this film, I kept asking myself, "How does one get here?" What brings a person to such a level that they think that death is the only solution? Many in the film talk about the courage that it takes for someone to actually go through with it, but I wonder exactly what kind of courage it is that results in follow through. Is it courage or complete apathy? Have these people reached the place where they are so numb from their circumstances that even the thought of "The End" doesn't phase them?

The extras on the DVD show interviews of some of those who filmed the footage. They talk about the impact that seeing people end their life had on them. The images that they witnessed are forever burned on their minds, never to be cleansed. The premise behind the film had been shrouded in secrecy by the filmmaker as he sought out people willing to take part in his project.

Some other online reviews raise the question of the ethics of this film. Is it a snuff film? Would it have been as meaningful and have made as deep of an impact had the chilling footage not been captured? The "how" question of these deaths is fully displayed but there is no substantial answer given to the "why" question.

From my own personal vantage point, it's hard to watch the film and not want to reach out and grab these people, to tell them that it's okay, to show them that they are valued, regardless of what others have told them through word or actions. In a society that moves so quickly that people rarely have time for deeper relationships, it might seem as though that is the main cause of these decisions. Yet there are countless testimonials from people who loved those who threw themselves off of the bridge. Of course, there are always stories behind the stories and what we see at first glance may not always be the truth. But I still wonder what the driving force was that drove these people to the literal edge.

"The Bridge" is not a film for those with weak stomachs and minds that don't easily erase disturbing images. It was worth my time to watch in order that I could be reminded of the fragility of life. We are broken and incomplete people in need of redemption, restoration, and relationships. If there is a way that I can make a difference in one person's life, I would be foolish not to do it. Life is worth living if we can find purpose there, it seems that most of these people never found it. If I can tell others about my story and let them know of the One in whom I find purpose, perhaps it could be the difference between life and death.

In America

Grief is a part of life. There is no avoiding it, although we may try at times. To avoid grief and hurt is to avoid all other human contact and live a life that is devoid of relationships, hardly the life to which God calls us. But we all deal with our grief in different ways. Some of us get the idea, after losing someone, that if we stop grieving, we have somehow begun to forget the person who has died. We don’t allow ourselves to heal, thinking that if healing takes place, the wound won’t be a reminder of that person, and reminders are all that we have left.

“In America” is the story of the Sullivan family, Johnny, Sarah, Christy, and Ariel. They are an Irish family that has immigrated to the United States through Canada with the premise of starting a new life. Of course, in this “land of opportunity,” where would one go for a new start but New York City. As the family drives through Manhattan in their station wagon we hear The Lovin’ Spoonful singing “Do You Believe in Magic?” a perfect segue and introduction to this film and the “magic” that is necessary to overcome one’s grief.

The story is told through the eyes of Christy, probably about 8 or 9, as she carries around her video camera, documenting the major events that she and her family experience on this adventure. In many ways, it seems like an homage to films like “To Kill A Mockingbird” where the innocence of childhood was used to tackle a difficult life-subject. Christy is constantly holding her camcorder and filming, something her little sister eventually laments as she tells her family that she has no one to play with and Christy tells all her secrets to her camera.

In the midst of the trials of job-hunting and acclimating to new surroundings, Johnny and Sarah take advantage of a stormy night and send the girls to the ice cream parlor, appropriately called “Heaven,” while they share some intimate moments together. Out of these moments, Sarah conceives a child. As Johnny Sullivan struggles to find work in Manhattan, the couple struggles through the process of getting their feet underneath them. The apartment building that the family lives in is hardly posh as they live among junkies and other miscreants of society. Among those living in the apartment is “the man who screams,” an African man named Mateo who happens to be dying of AIDS, whose screams can constantly be heard throughout the building. On Halloween night, the girls trick-or-treat through their apartment building and knock on Mateo’s door, although it says in big letters “KEEP AWAY.”

Their persistance finally causes Mateo to give in and open the door. Despite his screaming, Mateo is gentle with the girls, crying as he hears the story of their brother, Frankie, who died of a brain tumor. Although Mateo is dying, he is savoring the life that he has remaining, in stark contrast to Johnny, who is physically alive, but a mental and emotional ghost, lifeless. As the girls and their mom, Sarah, latch on to Mateo, Johnny sees him as a threat and steers clear of him.

But Sarah’s pregnancy is not without issue and there is concern from the doctor that she or the baby might not make it. Johnny is angry that Sarah is risking her life for this baby and Sarah rebukes him for not really living his life. He storms out of the apartment and encounters Mateo, who he chooses to confront about his possible love for Sarah. But Mateo, in his current state, is in love with anything that has life in it. He accuses Johnny of not believing. Johnny replies, “In what? God? You know, I asked him a favor. I asked him to take me instead of him. And he took the both of us, and look what he put in my place. A (expletive) ghost. I can’t laugh. I can’t cry. I can’t feel.” We finally see the impact that his son’s death has had on Johnny as he describes it in his own words. For him, it is a moment of growth as he begins to understand that everyone’s perception of him is correct, he can finally admit his lifelessness. Later on, at a school performance, Christy sings “Desperado,” appropriately sung towards her father, who now holds her camcorder as he records the performance.

The baby finally comes, but early, and is whisked away to the NICU. The hospital bills continue to rise until the final bill comes to $30,420.20. Still unable to find significant work, Johnny struggles to find the funds. Without spoiling the entire plot of the movie, let me just say that when Johnny goes to the hospital administrator, he finds that his balance is zero, his debt has been paid, he owes nothing.

The final moments of the film are among the most poignant and beautifully acted of the entire film. The girls and Johnny sit outside on their fire escape, watching the stars. Ariel is sad that Mateo never said goodbye and Johnny points to the moon and says that he can see Mateo, riding his bike past the moon and waving goodbye. Christy plays along and finally convinces Ariel that she sees it too, and Ariel claims that she can see him, just like "E.T."m riding past the moon. As they say “goodbye” to Mateo, Christy and Ariel also say, “Goodbye, Frankie” to the brother that they lost.

This is a defining moment for Johnny as he stops short of saying Frankie’s name. He hasn’t let him go, he hasn’t accepted the fact that he is gone. But Christy looks at her dad and says, “Say goodbye to Frankie, Dad.” With tears in his eyes, he finally says it. He finally begins the process of letting go. He can feel again, the children have their dad back and Sarah has her husband back. There is death and there is new life. There is closure, but the memory still remains. Even Christy realizes that she wants to remember Frankie as he was in his best times, not what he was like when the cancer had depleted him.

The human spirit is a remarkable thing. We have the power to remember, etching memories into our brains that will last a lifetime. We hold on to simple moments that have spoken to us and transformed us. We echo the words of Jim Croce when he sang, “If I could save time in a bottle.” We long to relive those moments, but will sometimes settle for them to simply remain in our minds. When we lose someone, besides the photographs, all we have are our memories to remind us of the person.

For those of us who believe in Jesus Christ, we have a hope that we will one day be reunited with those who have gone before us in Christ. But even that hope is overshadowed by the pain of loss that we experience. There is an emptiness within us, and although we are happy that our loved one is no longer suffering, grief overcomes us. How do we respond to this grief? Do we respond like Johnny, becoming a shell of our former selves, useless to those who are still living and breathing around us? Or do we respond like Mateo, as we face our own demise, we cling to every ounce of life that we can and love everything that lives and breathes around us?

There is no formula for grief and the amount of time that it takes for all of us to navigate through its dark and stormy waters. Eventually, we will need to live our lives again though. We may feel incomplete, we may struggle to allow for our healing, but those who have gone before us would want us to continue to embrace the life that we have, just as Mateo did. And we will continue to live in the hope that one day, we will be reunited again, never to be separated by sickness, death, or any of the other results of sin that we constantly encounter in this world.

The Painted Veil

How do we deal with our failures, our imperfections, our sins? Do we move past them and make efforts to live better lives or do we dwell on them, allowing them to be shackles which tie us down and hold us back from the future? How about the people whom we have sinned against? Do they allow us to move on? Do they forgive us and continue on themselves or do they punish us every chance that they get in order that we can never forget what we have done?

“The Painted Veil” is not a fast-moving film. It slowly and deliberately weaves its story from the present day of the film’s setting to past events which led up to this point. Kitty is a twenty-something young woman who is reaching the age where people begin to talk about the fact that she is not married. Walter is a successful bacteriologist (sounds exciting, huh?) who develops an eye for Kitty. Walter asks to marry Kitty and, more to quell the rumors and gossip about her than because of love, Kitty agrees.

Not too long into the marriage, Kitty and Walter go to the theater in China with the Townsends. Charlie Townsend and Kitty develop a relationship and soon begin an affair together. Walter discovers the affair and to punish Kitty, volunteers to go to a remote village to help in the treatment and research of a cholera epidemic that is happening there. Kitty thinks that Walter is crazy to even suggest that she come with him and he gives her the ultimatum that if she does not come, he will divorce her.

Walter gives Kitty one other option, he will divorce her quietly should Charlie agree to leave his wife and marry her instead. Thinking this a perfect opportunity, Kitty runs to Charlie and expects that he will agree to the plan, but she is heartbroken and left feeling alone.

Walter tells Kitty, “I knew when I married you that you were spoiled and selfish.” To which she replies, If a man hasn’t what’s necessary to make a woman love him, then it’s his fault, not hers.” She also wonders why he would have married her if he knew that was the way that she was. She asks him, “Aren’t you as much to blame for what’s happened as I?”

Isn’t this the way that we get when we disagree? We begin to justify our own actions claiming that it must have been the other person who is to blame for the mess that we find ourselves in. We become so blinded by our deceitfulness that we are completely incapable of seeing our own imperfections.

But we also go into relationships with delusions of grandeur, considering that we have the power to change a person’s passions and desires. We fool ourselves into thinking that a person can love us so much that they would be willing to sacrifice all that they are for love. While I would agree that there is some possibility to that, we need to approach those situations with an amount of realism, understanding that there are some commonalities that are essential in order that relationships, especially between husbands and wives, can work.

According to relationship psychotherapist Paula Hall, the top five things that couples argue about are (and roughly in this order): Money, Sex, Work, Children, and Housework. I would venture to guess that religion may make its way into the top ten. If there is not a commonality between couples on these five things, things can go sour very quickly.

Walter is so focused on his work and approaches his relationship with Kitty and others in a very scientific manner. Kitty says, “We humans are more complex than your silly, little microbes. We’re unpredictable, we make mistakes, and we disappoint.” Kitty wonders how long Walter will continue to punish her for her actions.

The film continues to play out the relationship between Kitty and Walter as they live an existence free of intimacy or conversation. They peacefully exist, neither giving the other any mind. Eventually, Kitty can bear it no more and she begins to take an interest in Walter’s work. Walter is justifiably skeptical as he wonders what her plan is. In the midst of Kitty’s growing understanding of what her husband does, she begins to see what is lovable about him and, likewise, him her. The two form a relationship of love rather than convenience.

So as not to spoil the entire plotline, I won’t reveal much more. What I will say is that this story is reminiscent of the biblical story of Hosea. Of course, there are differences as well, but the end result is the same: redemption. How does one find redemption from their past mistakes? How do we find the grace to extend to those who have hurt or injured us in order that they might experience that same redemption?

The Psalmist wrote in Psalm 103:11-12, “For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.” For imperfect humans, we have a hard time understanding how we could be forgiven for the many ways that we have fallen short. We can’t seem to understand how that gift of grace can come without any payment on our part. But if payment is required, it isn’t grace.

Walter learns to love Kitty and vice versa. There is nothing simple or pretty about the process of restoration. Both sides go into the process with an attitude that can barely even be classified as reluctance. Our stubbornness prevents us from changing, even if that change is for our own good. The same was true of Walter and Kitty. They had to move past the past in order to find hope for the future.

In a culture where marriage is hardly a sacred institution and where divorce is prevalent, even among people who hold to the truth of Scripture, what will it take for us to make efforts in relationships? What will it take to uphold the vows and commitments that are made in wedding ceremonies as unbreakable, rather than flexible? The road to redemption, regardless of from what, is rarely easy. It takes time, it takes commitment, and it will involve pain. But we have received grace from a God who has recklessly pursued us in spite of our imperfections, He has not given up, He has not abandoned us.

Please don’t misunderstand me, I am not naïve in thinking that sticking your nose to the grindstone alone is enough to repair a broken or failing marriage. But do we have faith that God can bring about restoration and redemption? By the grace of God, I have not been in the position of having to ask that question, and I pray that I never will be, but I do know that God is the God of second chances, He never abandons or forsakes His own. Can we trust that what God has brought together no man or woman may separate or will we continue to live as if marriage is as expendable as everything else in our lives?

Up in the Air

In the first few moments of “Up in the Air” we see a montage of people who have just been fired as they react to the news. They express their emotions. They talk about their track record, their history with the company, their loyalty, and their service. They are responding to Ryan Bingham and the news that he has brought them, the news that they are fired. Ryan Bingham works for a company that is hired by people who don’t have the backbone to do the firing themselves. So, regardless of the loyalty that these employees have shown, regardless of the amount of time that they have worked for the company, they are shown the door and offered a moderate severance package.

Ryan has come up with a more “personal” method of “letting people go.” He always offers them the encouragement that, “Anybody who ever built an empire or changed the world sat where you are right now. And it’s because they sat there that they were able to do it.” He also tells them, “This is not an assessment of your productivity. Try not to take this personally.”

Ryan’s life is on the road, in hotels and rental cars. He spends 322 days on the road to avoid anything more than the 43 miserable days that he has to spend at his institutional apartment in Omaha, Nebraska. He has fallen out of touch with his family, his parents are deceased, and he is coming to his sister’s wedding as a guest, not a family member. He’s never been married himself because he’s never seen the point. Ryan will only invest in things that will benefit him, in life and in business. He is surrounded by people every day, but he is alone.

Although he’s alone, he is loyal. Ryan prides himself on his loyalty. When he reaches into his wallet, instead of family pictures, he pulls out frequent flyer cards, loyal customer cards, frequent renter cards, and an assortment of cards that indicate to the world that he has been dedicated to these companies and he fully deserves all of the perks that he receives from them.

“Up in the Air” is a movie about relationships and loyalty. It’s a movie that calls to question the things in which we invest our lives. What do we have to show for those investments? Ryan says that relationships are the heaviest things in our lives and if we carry them, they slow us down. “The slower we move, the faster we die.” Over the course of the movie, Ryan connects with a woman named Alex who seems to have chosen the same lifestyle as he has. They compare their loyal customer cards the way others would compare pictures of their children and family. They begin an informal and convenient relationship that Ryan eventually wants to take to the next level.

After being chastised by Natalie Keener, a young Cornell graduate who is single-handedly upending his company’s business approach which results in a threat to Ryan’s lifestyle, he realizes that he wants something more in his relationship with Alex. He makes his way to her home in Chicago to see her and we come to what I feel is the most ironic event in the film. Ryan is faced with the fact that he has finally allowed himself to be emotionally vulnerable only to find that he was just “an escape, a break from our normal lives, a parentheses.” The woman to which he had connected with over loyalty has shattered him he finds that his standard of loyalty has not been returned.

In the last few moments of the film we see Ryan standing before the departures board at the airport. He has diverted from his path, but it has ultimately become just an escape and parentheses from the life that he now chooses to go back to: a disconnected life. The movie ends in the manner in which it began, with a montage of interviews from the very same people who had been fired. This time they are talking about how they were able to get through. They talk about their friends and their families and how important they are to them. If they hadn’t had that support structure in place, they never would have made it.

“Up in the Air” is a movie that haunted me every moment after I had seen it for the first time. It speaks to our non-committal culture and generation. It presents us with two very different kinds of loyalty: loyalty to yourself and loyalty to the people who love you. Our lives are full of choices, every decision can be made with ourselves in mind or with the people who love us in mind. What are we loyal to? Who are we loyal to? When the chips come down, if we find ourselves jobless or homeless, will we be friendless and abandoned as well? Despite the heaviness of the relationships in our lives and the fact that they might slow us down, are they worth it?

In another ironic moment in the film, Ryan is charged with speaking some sense into his sister’s fiancé who has called off their wedding. This man who has never made the commitment of marriage needs to convince someone that it’s the right thing to do. To me, it was this turning point more than his encounter with Natalie that drove Ryan to pursue Alex the way that he did. He asks his future brother-in-law about all of the important memories and events in his life and asks whether he was alone or not. Ryan realizes what a lonely existence that he has had.

The movie isn’t saying that we need to be married to be happy, but it is saying that we need relationships, with family, with friends. Those relationships need to be deeper than just “hello.” True relationships are an investment. We expend time, energy, money, and resources on our relationships and we have to determine whether or not we think it’s worth it. Personally, I wouldn’t trade the relationships and friendships that I have more all the money in the world. No amount of frequent flyer miles or loyal customer points could ever compare with flesh and blood and raw emotion.

What about you? Are your relationships important to you? Are you investing in the things that matter or things that will just make you temporarily happy? I always tell my wife that we’re better together. We try to do things alone, but when we team up, it always ends up better than if we had done it on our own. To quote LOST, “Live together. Die alone.”

Getting started!

Movies are one of my passions. I love to watch movies that make me think. Spend any time in conversation with me and that conversation will most likely end up on the topic of movies at some point.

After having conversations with enough of my friends, they said that if I started a movie blog, they would read it. Maybe they were just being nice and no one will read it, but I'm starting it anyway. I hope someone reads it, other than me.

I'm going to try to post as often as I can. I am also going to try to stick with movies that really have impacted me or made me think, but suggestions are welcome.

Not sure when the first movie post will come, but be on the lookout!