How do we deal with our failures, our imperfections, our sins? Do we move past them and make efforts to live better lives or do we dwell on them, allowing them to be shackles which tie us down and hold us back from the future? How about the people whom we have sinned against? Do they allow us to move on? Do they forgive us and continue on themselves or do they punish us every chance that they get in order that we can never forget what we have done?
“The Painted Veil” is not a fast-moving film. It slowly and deliberately weaves its story from the present day of the film’s setting to past events which led up to this point. Kitty is a twenty-something young woman who is reaching the age where people begin to talk about the fact that she is not married. Walter is a successful bacteriologist (sounds exciting, huh?) who develops an eye for Kitty. Walter asks to marry Kitty and, more to quell the rumors and gossip about her than because of love, Kitty agrees.
Not too long into the marriage, Kitty and Walter go to the theater in China with the Townsends. Charlie Townsend and Kitty develop a relationship and soon begin an affair together. Walter discovers the affair and to punish Kitty, volunteers to go to a remote village to help in the treatment and research of a cholera epidemic that is happening there. Kitty thinks that Walter is crazy to even suggest that she come with him and he gives her the ultimatum that if she does not come, he will divorce her.
Walter gives Kitty one other option, he will divorce her quietly should Charlie agree to leave his wife and marry her instead. Thinking this a perfect opportunity, Kitty runs to Charlie and expects that he will agree to the plan, but she is heartbroken and left feeling alone.
Walter tells Kitty, “I knew when I married you that you were spoiled and selfish.” To which she replies, If a man hasn’t what’s necessary to make a woman love him, then it’s his fault, not hers.” She also wonders why he would have married her if he knew that was the way that she was. She asks him, “Aren’t you as much to blame for what’s happened as I?”
Isn’t this the way that we get when we disagree? We begin to justify our own actions claiming that it must have been the other person who is to blame for the mess that we find ourselves in. We become so blinded by our deceitfulness that we are completely incapable of seeing our own imperfections.
But we also go into relationships with delusions of grandeur, considering that we have the power to change a person’s passions and desires. We fool ourselves into thinking that a person can love us so much that they would be willing to sacrifice all that they are for love. While I would agree that there is some possibility to that, we need to approach those situations with an amount of realism, understanding that there are some commonalities that are essential in order that relationships, especially between husbands and wives, can work.
“The Painted Veil” is not a fast-moving film. It slowly and deliberately weaves its story from the present day of the film’s setting to past events which led up to this point. Kitty is a twenty-something young woman who is reaching the age where people begin to talk about the fact that she is not married. Walter is a successful bacteriologist (sounds exciting, huh?) who develops an eye for Kitty. Walter asks to marry Kitty and, more to quell the rumors and gossip about her than because of love, Kitty agrees.
Not too long into the marriage, Kitty and Walter go to the theater in China with the Townsends. Charlie Townsend and Kitty develop a relationship and soon begin an affair together. Walter discovers the affair and to punish Kitty, volunteers to go to a remote village to help in the treatment and research of a cholera epidemic that is happening there. Kitty thinks that Walter is crazy to even suggest that she come with him and he gives her the ultimatum that if she does not come, he will divorce her.
Walter gives Kitty one other option, he will divorce her quietly should Charlie agree to leave his wife and marry her instead. Thinking this a perfect opportunity, Kitty runs to Charlie and expects that he will agree to the plan, but she is heartbroken and left feeling alone.
Walter tells Kitty, “I knew when I married you that you were spoiled and selfish.” To which she replies, If a man hasn’t what’s necessary to make a woman love him, then it’s his fault, not hers.” She also wonders why he would have married her if he knew that was the way that she was. She asks him, “Aren’t you as much to blame for what’s happened as I?”
Isn’t this the way that we get when we disagree? We begin to justify our own actions claiming that it must have been the other person who is to blame for the mess that we find ourselves in. We become so blinded by our deceitfulness that we are completely incapable of seeing our own imperfections.
But we also go into relationships with delusions of grandeur, considering that we have the power to change a person’s passions and desires. We fool ourselves into thinking that a person can love us so much that they would be willing to sacrifice all that they are for love. While I would agree that there is some possibility to that, we need to approach those situations with an amount of realism, understanding that there are some commonalities that are essential in order that relationships, especially between husbands and wives, can work.
According to relationship psychotherapist Paula Hall, the top five things that couples argue about are (and roughly in this order): Money, Sex, Work, Children, and Housework. I would venture to guess that religion may make its way into the top ten. If there is not a commonality between couples on these five things, things can go sour very quickly.
Walter is so focused on his work and approaches his relationship with Kitty and others in a very scientific manner. Kitty says, “We humans are more complex than your silly, little microbes. We’re unpredictable, we make mistakes, and we disappoint.” Kitty wonders how long Walter will continue to punish her for her actions.
The film continues to play out the relationship between Kitty and Walter as they live an existence free of intimacy or conversation. They peacefully exist, neither giving the other any mind. Eventually, Kitty can bear it no more and she begins to take an interest in Walter’s work. Walter is justifiably skeptical as he wonders what her plan is. In the midst of Kitty’s growing understanding of what her husband does, she begins to see what is lovable about him and, likewise, him her. The two form a relationship of love rather than convenience.
So as not to spoil the entire plotline, I won’t reveal much more. What I will say is that this story is reminiscent of the biblical story of Hosea. Of course, there are differences as well, but the end result is the same: redemption. How does one find redemption from their past mistakes? How do we find the grace to extend to those who have hurt or injured us in order that they might experience that same redemption?
The Psalmist wrote in Psalm 103:11-12, “For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.” For imperfect humans, we have a hard time understanding how we could be forgiven for the many ways that we have fallen short. We can’t seem to understand how that gift of grace can come without any payment on our part. But if payment is required, it isn’t grace.
Walter learns to love Kitty and vice versa. There is nothing simple or pretty about the process of restoration. Both sides go into the process with an attitude that can barely even be classified as reluctance. Our stubbornness prevents us from changing, even if that change is for our own good. The same was true of Walter and Kitty. They had to move past the past in order to find hope for the future.
In a culture where marriage is hardly a sacred institution and where divorce is prevalent, even among people who hold to the truth of Scripture, what will it take for us to make efforts in relationships? What will it take to uphold the vows and commitments that are made in wedding ceremonies as unbreakable, rather than flexible? The road to redemption, regardless of from what, is rarely easy. It takes time, it takes commitment, and it will involve pain. But we have received grace from a God who has recklessly pursued us in spite of our imperfections, He has not given up, He has not abandoned us.
Please don’t misunderstand me, I am not naïve in thinking that sticking your nose to the grindstone alone is enough to repair a broken or failing marriage. But do we have faith that God can bring about restoration and redemption? By the grace of God, I have not been in the position of having to ask that question, and I pray that I never will be, but I do know that God is the God of second chances, He never abandons or forsakes His own. Can we trust that what God has brought together no man or woman may separate or will we continue to live as if marriage is as expendable as everything else in our lives?
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